Hope everyone is safe and staying home during these difficult times.
Today I thought I am going to write about my post baby journey as sitting at home during this hard time makes you think about how things have changed and how far we have all come.
I am sure everyone who’s had a baby will have had different experiences to me and will have their own stories to tell but the one thing that I can most definitely say that all of us mothers can agree on, is that, ITS THE MOST REALEST AND THE MOST LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE EVER, amongst it being the most beautiful day too.
I am not going to sugar coat my experience and say the lead unto to it was a lovely walk in the park because it wasn’t. After more than 48 hours of an intense and induced labour, Nila was born on Friday the 28th of June. I thought the worst was over and the happy ending was this beautiful Angel in my arms and from now on, it will all be easy peezy lemon sqeezy, but oh boy was I wrong.
Don’t get me wrong, I had so much support from family and friends and especially my mum but, the big but, no matter how many people were around me, for the first few weeks it felt like I was on my own and the whole world was closing in on me. I felt every kind of emotion since Nila was born. One minute I would be happy, then sad, then happy again, then I would start crying again and then start laughing, then cry again. This was my daily routine for the first few months. The smallest and most irrelevant thing would make me emotional. It was days of having no energy to get out of bed but I knew I had too because that is what I am supposed to do. The limited sleep, the peeing with the door open, the quickest breakfast and downing my coffee like a good tequila shot made me a mother. Sometimes whilst she was sleeping, I would look at her in awe and think I MADE HER, IM A MUM, as there were days in the beginning where I didn’t feel like a mum and couldn’t comprehend with everything that was going on. I was feeling overwhelmed, happy and like I said, I was feeling everything.
Personally for me, it was the sudden change in my life that was hard for me to comprehend at first. I was always so carefree and lived a carpe diem kinda life but then I got pregnant and realised things would be changing for me for good. I thought whilst she was inside me I had nothing to worry about and she was safe and I could continue protecting her this way, but then as the months passed and it was time for the big arrival, I was getting nervous and anxious. I would start crying in the shower and have panic attacks wondering what I was going to do, my maternal mothering functions hadn’t kicked in yet and I was in full panic mode. I was not getting a new iPhone where I knew what to do, this was an actual human being who I would need to be responsible for and take care of 24/7 and she didn’t come with a user manual. Up until I was having my own baby, I was quite comfortable with playing with my family’s babies and kids and taking a few selfies for the gram and then going back to being alone again, but when it finally clicked to me that I was having my own baby and I wasn’t giving her back to anyone after playtime and pictures then reality hit me. This was it Cathy, get on with it!
I don’t want anyone to think that I am complaining and moaning about my experience so far as a mum, I have learnt to love it and am fully embracing it. As she’s growing and doing new things everyday, I am falling more and more in love with it. There are bad days but they always override with the good days. People always tell me that it would be hard before it gets easy and it is true. There are days even now when I get emotional thinking this is hard but then when I see her face, it makes it all better and all of the struggles is worth it. And if I’m completely honest, I am grateful for this life with her and I am learning something new about motherhood everyday. Im literally taking baby steps with her and taking it one day at a time and Im bound to make mistakes along the way because no one prepares you for being a mum and it’s ok to not get it right all the time because I believe all the mums would have felt like me at some point. A perfect mum doesn’t exist right?, we just make whatever situation we are in, perfect. And if you are a new mum reading this, then you got this!!!
Have a lovely day